This morning as I came out of Waterloo station there was a gang of glamorous looking women handing out what appeared to be free handbags. Of course all the female commuters crowded round trying to find out what was going on and if they were actually able to get their hands on a free handbag, which then attracted more attention.

Once my girlfriend managed to get her hands on one we quickly realised that these handbags were actually a wrap around Sex & The City ad for the Metro newspaper! Makes a change from the usual ink heavy wrap arounds that mess up your hands when you hold them.

Bon idée.

Whilst watching the X-Factor last night I was most entertained by this TV ad for the Sun Newspaper. It’s a great parody of an iPhone advert that I can imagine appealing to the target audience massively. Spot on, and hilarious too.

I will find out who did it, but not now. It’s Monday morning and I need my second cup of tea urgently.

[UPDATE: Credits go to Glue London for this awesome ad]

What stupid fucking idiot thought, ‘You know what? Let’s charge some desperate bastard over £200 to come do work experience with us without any guarantee of a job and without us having to pay a penny’? The answer to that question may never be found, because it can only be answered by that very moron, openly admitting how much of a complete and utter twat they really are.

Yes, if you are unfortunate enough to be able to see the above screen shot with your own eyes you will see that some dick jockey at the Standard has decided to sell a work experience placement on eBay!

How fucking offensive is that?

Go on, click on the picture and you’ll have the displeasure of seeing if the auction price has breached the £200 mark yet. So why are people bidding? I’ll tell you why. Because there is 2.47 MILLION unemployed people in this country and they’re all bloody desperate to get a foot in the door and earn some money. And these wankers know it.

As I’ve said before in a previous post, employers simply cannot treat people like this. Graduates come out of university with an incredibly high level of education and with that, comes an even higher amount of student debt. Graduates work fucking hard to get recognised, occasionally working into the evenings and through the weekends, and often for NO PAY!

So this is why I’m shocked, appalled and offended that the Standard are making people PAY to work 8 hours per day for a week. They should be ashamed of themselves. Except they won’t be, because they’re evidently too fucking stupid to realise they’ve even done anything wrong. They ACTUALLY think they’re doing the unemployed a fucking favour!!!!

I’m sure once they realise that they’re morons they’ll try to wriggle their squirmy little arses out of it by saying that they’re not making people bid on the auction, or that they’re doniting 100% of the money to charity. Well, do I give a shit if the money goes to charity or not? No, no I don’t, because they’re still robbing desperate people of money that they don’t have anyway because THEY DON’T HAVE A FUCKING JOB!

If you are reading this and have realised that you are the wanker that 2.47 million people hate right now, I suggest firstly that you stop being so offended by what you’ve just read and get your fat egotistical head out of your shitty arse. Then take a step back and remember that there are literally millions of talented people wanting to work for you, and they’re willing to work fucking hard if you just treat them with a little respect and decency. But first you’ll have to clean up. Because you stink. Of shit. From your shitty arse.

I’ve been commuting everyday for a while now. Each morning I get 1 bus, 1 train and 2 tubes before walking to work. It takes a while so I’ve been reading the newspapers as I travel, just like everyone else (it’s almost complusory). Despite reading The Metro in the mornings I tend to skim the Evening Standard over lunch and read the London Lite on my commute home.

Well today I’m telling them all to fuck off out my life. Why do I read them? To get news? No, I get world news whilst I’m sat on Twitter all day, and most of the time I get it before the papers do.

I once convinced myself that I read papers for creative inspiration. I even wrote a blog post about it on my previous, and now deceased, blog. But now my opinion has changed and I just don’t care who knows it (hence this very blog post).

I no longer believe original creativity can be inspired by a paper that is read by millions of other creative people. It’s more likely to come from looking at the people reading the papers themselves, or looking out the window.

So that’s what I’ll do.

So this morning I’m about to pick up my morning free sheet from the stand of new and fresh papers when I change my mind and pick up a pre-read one from a bench. Yes I know! A used paper! Eurgh! Filthy!

My decision to do this came from continually seeing commuters picking up a paper, reading two or three pages and then binning it. What a waste! So I was trying to be a bit greener by re-reading a previously read paper, as to get more use out of it and extend it’s readership per copy by an extra digit.

However… Now, after seeing this ad (below), I am now considering otherwise.

It’s a thumb shaped finger print on the edge of the newspaper, exactly where your thumb usually lies as you hold the publication. In fact I think this is very clever, I like it, I just don’t like the message (read on).

The copy in the thumb print reads ‘You can catch a virus from a newspaper someone else has touched’.

There’s another thumb print on the right hand side of the paper. Very eye catching indeed.

I like the creativity and thoughts behind the ad, but I have a problem with the message. The brand is for another bloody hand wash and I presume they’re trying to say ‘Wash your hands with this after reading this filthy, filthy newspaper’, BUT THEY’RE NOT!

As a virus conscious commuter and newspaper reader, this ad doesn’t tell me I should wash my hands with anti-bacterial wash, not at all. Instead, it tells me that newspapers are filthy and you shouldn’t touch them unless they’re brand new and un-touched by dirty human beings. How fucking ridiculous?

So there I was being green by picking up a previously read paper when according to Vicks, I shouldn’t because it’s filthy.

So to anyone at Metro reading this, Vicks thinks that each paper should be read only once before being thrown away, probably in a land fill. Thus leaving readership per copy at a grand total of one.